this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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