I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
