I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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