Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
