Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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