Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
