I didn't shave. On purpose
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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