The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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