threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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