It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
