He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
