Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
