Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
