The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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