Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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