I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
