i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You pole danced in your parka.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
