Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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