Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
