eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
