1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
