So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
