I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
