friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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