Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
