She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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