hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
