who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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