White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
