his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
