i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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