Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
