A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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