Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
