The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize