I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So squirting runs in the family.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
