Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
