I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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