Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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