I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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