I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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