I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
