Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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