hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
