Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
