finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Blood and glitter go together right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize