dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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