my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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