I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
