Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
