Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize