Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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