I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
