So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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