the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
