I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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