Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize