my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
