I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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