who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
