i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
