is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
