I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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