I wish I could teleport
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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