I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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