Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
