You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.