I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.