I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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