I hate all girls vehemently.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
smell my finger.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
