Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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