he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
