Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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