So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
