I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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