Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need moral support for this bender
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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