oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
