My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
