He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
