after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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