her vagine was all disorganized.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
