Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
wow bdsm is so cute
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
