he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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