my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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