things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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