I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
