Swine flu. Run for my life!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
