Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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